A Stream of Conscious

November 10, 2015

Tainted canvas called "Life". 

One thing after another, will the calls for help ever subside? Will the persistent hate ever stop invading our lives? We figured that we made great strides towards prosperity but those were quite evident to have been minor steps. We changed a few laws, broke down a couple of barriers and figured our problems were solved, ohhh how wrong we were. It seems that every move toward prosperity gives hate another opportunity to tear down our walls.

Black Missouri students, activists and supporters of the marginalized students there I support you and commend you on your efforts to make change in allowing administration, to hear your voices and cries. That stride that you made not only for your university but for universities and this country deserves great resonance and should spark and inspire more change in our society. However, hate still finds its way into tainting what you have accomplished. News brewing of threats made and enacted against your lives makes me cringe and pray for better tomorrows. 

I wake up every morning and I look at the news and still think that I'm asleep and entranced as the unsettling news of our communities and nation is more of a nightmare than a reality. Anxiety, anger, fear, uncertainty, hopelessness and a sense that this world, no this country doesn't love you. These are the feelings of my brothers and sisters  no matter where they are in this country, an extra part in our brain and mentality has to be occupied by negativity and hatred. Racism! Nah that doesn't exist, but it is bred and grown by hatred in every sense of the word. It's alive and more vivid than ever. 

Missouri, Charleston, Virginia, oh and let me not forget Chapel Hill have shown to be unsafe. Our country need not compensate us for the work our ancestors put in for. We do not ask for handouts but this country was built on our backs. We built these institutions that we fight to attend. Yes, my black ancestors were responsible for this and  we have yet to receive our just due. We ask for a seat at the table, no we don't ask for the scraps or to be seated in the back room. We want to live in the same dining room and eat from the same plate with the same servings. However, those recipes were not passed down and our children and future generations have and will suffer from this lack of information. We don't have the same resources or better yet access and know-how to use these resources, simply because dear "Power & Privilege" still hold on to these and we're lucky enough to receive a serving. 

Oh but this is the tainted life of America and we must succumb to what is given to us and how we are treated and valued.  Yes there are citizens of other countries that are less fortunate and this is not a comparison but the value our country places on humanity needs to be questioned and  the institutions that regulate and "care" for our lives need to be held accountable. 

I don't have all the answers, nor am I knowledgable on everything that is happening. However, I am aware of the pain that my people are experiencing. This pain, terror and rejection holds great weight. Weight that holds me down and I have to fall victim to this burden placed on us by society. My body shakes with every news article, every tweet, every reenactment of the days of the 60's but then I realize there are no actors playing in this play of life. These are very real accounts. The struggles of black men and women cannot be experienced by my white counterparts and peers, however, I'm ashamed that one would shed a cold shoulder and smile as if this world wasn't broken and fail to realize that you are also living in it. Then again you do not feel this pain and hate that is being inflicted on us, so I can't  hold you accountable. I ask that you hold yourself accountable and spark conviction in your spirit for the evil that still lies in individuals who share the same demographic as you. Buried for years (or masked) but it never left, this characteristic and sickness is nothing that a law can change nor that words can alter but it must be changed by affection and extraction of evil in your heart. This world was made with beauty. This world was made with the hope that human life would inhabit it and live to grow fond of the patinas and colors that when mixed make something graceful and majestic on this canvas called life. These colors, however, have been tainted by us and by certain entities wanting their people to be shown and dominant on this canvas. I ask that we look at ourselves then look at our neighboring colors and learn to appreciate them and infuse ourselves with love. 

Love.

That's the only light that I see that will get us through this dark time in our country and history. Place down your paint brush and learn to appreciate the other artists around because our greed and need to want more has infected our hearts and this beauty of life. I mentioned that I wake up in pain and terror and yet in the same instance I wake up to the love and warmth of the chance to embark on another day. That love and warmth has grown colder due to the recent events further confirming that my life as an African American in this country, " land of the free and home of the brave," is not safe and will not be safe until the village (society) works together as a unified people casting out all hatred and evil that still lurks amongst our community. 

I challenge those that do not and cannot share the same experiences as my people and I to pick up the torch with us and walk closer toward prosperity. I see a world right now of turmoil, discrimination and racism in another realm that we haven't seen before. Social media has exposed what has been going on in a very different perspective that was not available in previous years. This is nothing to be scared of but most certainly something to act upon and confront. Do not be swayed to the wayside just because we are saying "black lives matter", and you don't fit the description of the colour in that phrase. Place down your paintbrush and support the people whose lives are endangered and being terrorized by citizens and community members of our own country due to pigmentation. We walk, talk, live and breathe the same air as our foes who inflict hatred and hold discrimination in their hearts. With this fact, we still cannot consider ourselves equal citizens until an understanding and internal change of self occurs. 

I do not have all the answers and the culmination of the words in this therapeutic stream of consciousness, I hope resonated in some way shape or form in the hearts of those who need it most. No more explanations because the answer does not inhabit an external place but it lives internally. My dear people stay encouraged and uplift one another for you are beautiful strong and valued in the eyes of your ancestors and one day will be fully valued by your peers and country you live in. No matter your race creed or color, this fight will not be won with you on the sidelines but it will take a community and village to make stronger. 

To the people with hate still in their hearts such as some of the students and kkk members terrorizing Mizzouri students and threatening the lives of my brothers and sisters, I pray for you in hopes that one day you can wake up and honestly look yourself in the mirror and convict and eradicate yourself of the hatred that's in your heart. Carolina students take note of what is going on around you and do not doubt for a second, that the events going on across our country could very well happen at any moment on our campus. That is why it is imperative that we all must band together.

Hope is what I have in humanity and God willing, we shall reach that impervious promised land.

Peace and Blessings - JM